Over the years I realized, that my experience and outlook of rejection haschanged from one decade to another, or maybe I should say, every eight years or so – seriously! (I literally counted it in my head). At the age of eight, I could remember being rejected by kids on the play field because I was not a cool or coordinated kid at that age. At 16, I remember being rejected by some of the colleges that I would much rather have gone to than the one I actually did attend for the first three years of my college career (that’s another blog within itself). At the age of 24, I remember being in a relationship that was not quite what it initially made itself out to be and in the end, being rejected. At 32, I was in a transition in my career. I had already worked in the education industry for several years, and was really seeking an upward movement within education, but there were a few instances where I would get to the last interview, and not be selected.
So now that I am nearing 40, I realize that the rejections don’t stop, but my view on rejection today, is a lot different from my eight-year-old self. The problem with many of us is that we are almost 40 (or even 50), but still approach rejection the way we did when we were eight, but I digress (again, that is for another blog). So this blog is NOT for those 40 year-old’s that has the rejection capacity of an eight year old, but rather, this blog is for those 16 and 17 year olds, who need the rejection capacity of a 40 year old, as you venture through this daunting path called, The College Waiting Game.
Rejection has many purposes, but for now, I will be focusing on three things that I have learned about rejection that I hope you will find comforting during your wait.
1. Self-reflect, Re-direct, Re-evaluate
The first thing we need to understand about rejection is what it is not. Rejection does not mean your world has ended, nor does it mean the end of a chapter. Rejection is simply a closed door!
When you approach a door that is closed and locked, typically you will knock on the door and wait for an answer. The next step is to knock on a window or call the persons in the building to see if anyone will answer. If there is no answer, and you truly believe you are supposed to be on the other side of that door, it can be frustrating, hurtful, and embarrassing. However, it is at this very moment that you have two options.
You can choose to stand outside of the door, cry and throw a pity party….
…or you can simply find another door or another way!
The thing is, we have no idea what is on the other sides of the above pictured doors! If this is your first time going to college, you have more than likely created a picture in your head of what the experience must be like on the other side of that door based on hearsay, a two hour tour of a college campus, or meeting a representative from that college at a school fair.
Remember that every student will have their own unique experience at a college. If you sat down with an alum and a current student from the same college and listened to them share experiences, you will see just how different they will be. And if you don’t remember anything else in this blog, remember that college tours are tailored, and admissions representatives are trained, to win you over! Colleges will never tell you anything negative about their campuses, they want you to apply even when they know the chances of you being accepted is slim (again, another blog!).
Take this opportunity to ask yourself a few questions:
- Why is attending this college so important to me?
- Did I want to attend this college for the academics or was it for the prestige?
- Did I apply to this college for me, or did I apply because of external pressure or expectation (family, cultural, religious, athletic or artistic expectations)?
Closed doors are the best times for self-reflection, re-direction, and re-evaluation.
2. Solidify Your Passion
The second thing rejection should do is solidify our passion! If you receive a rejection letter from your top college and the first unction is to give up on the idea of going to college, it tells me two things. First it is a reflection of your maturity level. If you give up that easily because of one door closing, you are not ready to go to college (seriously, this would be a great time for you to evaluate your motives for going to college). Secondly, it tells me that you are not passionate about the reason you chose to go to college.
If a rejection is making you quit your college career, or making you question your declared or intended degree, then your passion is not solidified, and you need to go back to the drawing board to determine what you are passionate about. I believe that life throws things our way to see how we respond, and to test our faith. Everything in life, including rejections, happens for a reason. It is ok to go back to the drawing board and reflect. Rejection shows us who we are and more importantly, who we are not! See rejection as a blessing!
If you are genuinely going to college for something you are passionate about, then your priority should be getting into one of your top 5 choice colleges that have the degree/program that you are interested in (not necessarily the top college on your list). Passion finds another solution to the problem that you are facing. Passion makes you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. A solidified passion says, “Regardless of this rejection, I will find another way to pursue my passion”. A solidified passion says “College X is obviously not the best option for me at this time, but I still have college A, B, C, and D.” Passion is like a spark plug; it helps you get started again, but it takes maturity to drive the engine to the end result.
3. Prove them wrong!
There is nothing I love more than for someone to tell me I can’t do something that I have already determined in my head to do! There should be something within you that says to a friend, a “frenemy”, a colleague, an employer, and even college X, “Your no, does not determine my ability to become what I am determined to be or who I am meant to be!” Remember earlier in this blog where I talked about 40 year olds handling rejection like an 8 year old? Well this is where that maturity comes in. You can whine about it like an 8 year old, or you could handle it “like the boss” or like a mature 40 year old.
Get in the practice of saying affirmations. Affirmations are statements that you speak out loud either about yourself, or about your situation. If you have never heard of affirmations or you are not a regular at declaring them, I am going to help you out by giving you an affirmation to repeat everyday, and I promise you, it will change your life! Here it goes: “Their no, has no meaning over me or my situation unless I give it meaning!” A rejection should fuel you to find another way to get your degree or achieve your goals – just because they said ‘no’. Do not take ownership of College X’s “no”. That is their ‘no’ and it has no reflection on your ability to be successful! Find your ‘yes’ and own it!
